Letter [to Muhammad-`Ali Gerami]

[ The supreme leader and the foremost of all maraji`, His Eminence Ayatullah al-`Uzma Khomeini (may his presence endure for Muslims):
I have to say with modesty that the offspring of the birds have to experience the separation from their mothers when it is the time for them to learn to fly. They have to learn it according to the law of natural evolution and grow into independence. They fall down, get up again, flutter, are exhausted, and go on again to reach their destination. This law, i. e. evolution through separation, seems to be universal and encompasses all, from the inanimate objects to the highest ranks of the (material) beings. No fruit ripens overnight and the sour grapes do not sweeten in one day. It is said about the evolution of sulfur and mercury, the two essential elements of the malleable metals, that the smoky and steamy material in the depths of the earth, after the recurrence of days and nights, after many periods of heat and cold, and many unions and separations, turn to sulfur and mercury. Then they form metals that do not lose their strength even under the hammer of a blacksmith. Even the most perfect of all beings, the luminous soul of the Holy Prophet should also undergo separation from the revelation so that he might suffer and agonize until he is kindly consoled by the Primordial Origin:" Thy Lord hath not forsaken thee nor doth He hate thee And verily thy Lord will give unto thee so that thou wilt be content," «1» and evolves
Yes, the spiritual leaders of the ummah are the custodians and guardians [wali]of the nation. The nation should experience their union and separation many times until they become perfect, and are able to form a utopia through their independence. Therefore, the pupils of these scholars become experienced enough and ready to enter the society, over the years, to strengthen themselves and the leader himself experiences the `pit' like `Joseph' to be granted the vestment of" Thus gave We power to Joseph in the land." «2» We do not know that the divine evolutional expediencies may be numerous. Yes, those who are always supervised by their fathers do not find development in their actions; there have to be incidents, there have to be voluntary transactions so that they would ripen and become experienced. I do humbly beg pardon for taking so much time of a man of divinity and a holy scholar. What can I do? Because I am confiding in him the agony and sufferings of the time of separation from `him', hoping that I will be relieved a little. I am aware that this is not a respectful way of talking with a grand marja`- or the foremost of all maraji` in my opinion- but there are verbal traditions, which encourage me! The traditions that consider marja`iyyah not only a social rule but also a sign of divine evolution. They express the separation of some people from this divine status in the phrase:" Our decree is not allotted, etc."- apparently the theme is mentioned in the traditions quoted by Abi al-Jahd- and so one of the consequences will be the love or `wudd' mentioned in the holy verse:" Lo! Those who believe and do good works, the Beneficent will appoint for them love [wudd]." «3» Now that these words are uttered, the superficial is drawn aside, and affection, love, intimacy, holiness and, in short, the spiritual is brought into focus. I am encouraged to reveal the secrets of my heart:
It is a few years since the `gardener of hearts' has sown an impeccable and desirable seed in the field of my heart, employed the elements of life to look after it, and prepared the nourishing material for it through certain channels. An animating and heavenly ray shone on it through radiant and absorbing eyes; it was irrigated by limpid and pure water from the spring of holiness. My heart was bestowed with a perfect enthusiasm and a great vigor. My mind was furnished with subtle and deep scholarly matters and essentials digested in the teaching sessions, all as a divine sustenance; and I was caressed by a gentle breeze from the direction of hope. The seed was gradually made ready with an equable prudence and the absolute patience, in spite of the inherent haste of human beings. Then, suddenly, when it was ready for mutation, an incident took place and affected it with separation! This has caused an ever-increasing growth and development, and the seed has grown into a sapling and run its root deep into the field of my heart.
Alas! The burning wind of separation did not give it a chance to bear fruit and withered its fresh leaves. The flame of ecstasy was extinguished and the sapling of hope was dried in my heart, but who knows, perhaps this agony and suffering is also a part of his wise prudence so that the pupil might evolve. O you, burning separation! Be gentler to me! O you, fire of parting! Get calmer, for this dejected heart cannot bear so much of pain.
O Lord! Thou, who possess the heart, love, and the being, fill our hearts with Thy love and Thy friends' love. O Lord! Bestow on us the strength to walk toward Thee and show us the way that leads to Thee.
Now that the secrets are articulated and the heat of my heart has cooled down, wisdom reminds me that it is not good courtesy to speak like this! Yes, I have been always like this; shyness kept me from communicating it. Then my feelings accumulated and suddenly surfaced to make me look impolite or changeable. On the other hand, I remember a quotation from the book of justice that goes," The person qualified for jurisdiction is obliged to present himself to the ruler." And the wisdom, which commands goodness, says that a sincere servant and an absolute imitator( in religious law )has to make himself known to the master[ mawla ], offering to fulfill his wishes; but these are all excuses.
I do hereby kindly request from that spiritual father to respond to the following questions.
Muhammad-'Ali Gerami Qummi Khan Madrasah, Qum
Ramadan 3, 1383 AH ]
In His Most Exalted Name
The emotions of my religious brothers, especially the most special of them bear a heavy burden on my shoulders. I hope this has been a hidden consolation sent by God through your surge of emotions to relieve me somehow of this heavy burden. The blessings appearing as misfortunes may be tendered and more affectionate than manifest blessings. I ask God Almighty for everybody's success in learning and doing good.